Keeping Up Appearances
by Bunneh018
Summary: Time can't heal all wounds. After 7 years, Ruka still can't get over the only girl he's ever loved. With his patience and self-control finally wearing thin, he's starting to think that what Natsume doesn't know, can't hurt him. RxMxN
1. I'm All Out of Love

Keeping Up Appearances

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**Disclaimer**: I do not own Alice Academy (Gakuen Alice) or its characters. I just truly believe that Ruka needs a backbone that the manga failed to achieve for me. Yeah, I lost all hope that Mikan will end up with Ruka, and that Natsume and Mikan are a cute couple, but seriously, Ruka's whole "smile and give up" shit didn't sit with me so…

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_Alice Academy… Start of third year of high school…_

"Ruka-pyon~! Ruka-pyon wait for meeeee!"

That voice… That sweet and bright music… My siren is calling me… Calling me to another day of hell.

"Ruka-pyon~!" A light, familiar weight fell across my back and those soft arms wrapped around me. I took a slow, deep breath, inhaling her appealing scent, enjoying the few minutes of that gentle warmth.

"Ruka-pyon~ Didn't you hear me calling you?" I turned around as her arms slipped away from me, to see that cute little pout, those sparkling eyes slightly narrowed in annoyance. I dug my hands deep into my pockets as usual to avoid the normal temptation.

I smiled down at her, my special smile just for this special girl, "I'm sure the deaf heard you calling me Sakura."

That adorable face had gone scrunched and puffy. Oops, she's annoyed.

"Oi, baka, don't just run off on your own." Oh yeah… That other voice. My smile changed, I can feel that veil falling over my face as I glanced at him through my bangs.

"Natsume~! You're both so meeeeeeaaaaaaaan to meeeeeeeeeee!" She threw herself at him, that pout back on her face and those small fists banging against his chest. It didn't hurt. I know because there's that small smile on his face. After 7 years, I'm still slightly shocked at that. Of course, not a lot people see that so it's understandable but still.

"Oi, Ruka." I blinked and turned towards those crimson eyes, "Natsume." He stared at me. Those eyes were always showing doubt and worry since that day, a day I wish I could erase and rewrite.

I smiled back at him, "Hai? Something the matter?" He averted his eyes, like he always does, "No... Let's go." His girlfriend laughed and clung to his arm as they walked to class together. I walked behind them watching with a grin pasted to my face. The same pattern every day, for 7 years straight. Nothing much has changed really. Yeah. I tell myself that every single day. Maybe someday, I might actually believe it. But for now, it's all about keeping up appearances.

"Ne, Ruka-pyon~! I heard from Perm that she heard from a senpai's friend's sister that you broke up with Hikari-san last night! Is that true?" Sakura and Natsume both turned back to look at me as I pondered how to answer that question; Sakura had a sad worried look on her face, while Natsume's tell-tale emotionless look translated to his worry for me as well.

I laughed for their benefit, "News really does travel fast doesn't it. Your sources never cease to amaze me Sakura," I shook my head and shrugged, "It wasn't working out between us. She wanted more from me than what I was willing to give her. That's all there was to it."

"Ruka-pyon~! Not again!" I couldn't stand that disappointed look from her. Not from her.

"Gomen, Sakura, I just couldn't return her feelings the way she wanted me to." I gave a half-hearted laugh and attempted to smile against her frown.

"But-!" Natsume's hand slipped around her head to cover her mouth, "That's enough Polka. That's Ruka's business, not yours." She glared up at him and noisily struggled to remove his hand. I hid my eyes behind my hair. Worse than Sakura's disappoint was Natsume's reaction. I clenched my fists. I didn't want his understanding. I didn't want his pity.

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

"You're too noisy this early in the morning baka." Ah, that cold voice and baka gun can only belong to:

"Imai." She glanced towards me, "Nogi." Imai turned her back and held up a fan of photos, "1000 rabbits each for these photos from the events of last night." And with that she sped off on her ducky mobile.

"Ah~ Hotaruuuuuu!!! Let me see them!" I flinched and flashed a grin at the couple, "See you in class!" Running after Imai like this is getting very old, but today at least I was grateful. It gave me that chance to get away from those two.

I risked a glance back and saw Natsume holding Sakura back, laughing as she yelled and abused him.

Tch…Your smile. Your laugh. The way that only you can hold her. Making her happy…

I hate you so much…

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A/N: It starts off pretty abruptly, and ends the same way. It might be hard to follow the train of thought right now, but I simply didn't want to blurt out what is going on. What's the point of the story if the reader isn't allowed to imagine what happens? Anyways. R&R please. I would like some constructive criticism so that I now how to improve in the later chapters.

Note: Gomen- Sorry, Hai- Yes, Ne- Hey (loose interpretation), -san: suffix for politeness


	2. Spinning Out of Control

Keeping Up Appearances

**Disclaimer**: Gakuen Alice (Alice Academy) does not belong to me.

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Previously in Keeping Up Appearances-

_Running after Imai like this is getting very old, but today at least I was grateful. It gave me that chance to get away from those two._

_I risked a glance back and saw Natsume holding Sakura back, laughing as she yelled and abused him._

_Tch…Your smile. Your laugh. The way that only you can hold her. Making her happy…_

_I hate you so much…_

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Ruka stood alone next to the academy building, hands braced on his knees, panting heavily. An amused Hotaru can be seen in the distance, photos in one hand and a moneybag in the other.

'Damn that Imai… One of these days…' he sighed. He knew that he won't be able to stop her. Frankly, he was starting to think she was obsessed with him. Ruka smirked a little, 'I guess some things DON'T change.'

He turned around and slowly made his way back. Class was going to start soon and he had to continue the farce. Seven years had passed since the downfall of the elementary school teacher. The last of the clones were gone, Persona was devoured by his own Alice, and Luna had disappeared in the debris of the elementary school teacher's office. Yuka, who had attempted to go in and save Luna, had said that Luna was holding the dead young ex-principal in her arms before the entire room collapsed. No one has seen her since.

Ruka remembered that day clearly. At times it seemed like a blur, but for him, it will forever be etched in his memory. That was the day he made the stupidest mistake of his life. Ruka's mind wandered back to that one moment…

_They were in the world of time and space, peering through a window into the past. I watched them, a cold iron fist clenched around my heart. So,  
_

_this was pain...? My best friend and the love of my life, hands grasped tight, practically screaming their love for each other. I was young, naïve, _

_weak… What the hell was I supposed to do in that situation? They were all staring at me, Mikan crying, Natsume with that desperate look in his _

_eyes. The others' basically were telling me without words to let her go. But Natsume. My best friend. The one person I would never betray. To make _

_you happy, I would do anything. If she makes you happy then it's ok. As long as it's you. Natsume_…

'Fuck…!' Ruka stopped short, cringing from his inner mind theatre. Did he really think and say all that sappy shit? 'No wonder Sakura is with Natsume. I was a fucking loser back then… FUCK!'

He slammed his fist against the building wall. Pain was throbbing in his hand but it didn't compare to the constant memories of all the mistakes he made in the past repeating over and over in his head. Every single day since then was a constant reminder of what he was… a failure. Oh, he tried to forget. Ruka would have been a greater loser than he was now, if he HADN'T at least tried to get over her.

And try he did. He changed his attitude, became more outgoing and sociable, and the ladies loved it. Ruka opened up and started to take an interest in the other girls around him. He tried. He really did. But every single god damn day, he would see Natsume and Mikan together, smiling, sharing each other's company, _kissing in front of him_.

It was almost as if he had never existed. And he saw her everyday. Her shining hair, her bright chocolate eyes, that sunny laugh. If possible, Ruka fell even more in love with her. She was a flame and he a moth. Yes. And if he wasn't careful, he would get burned. Not only metaphorically but literally as well, 'That Natsume… Overly protective.' Ruka sighed.

All those girls. One after another. And as the years progressed it got worse. He was notorious around the school as a Casanova. Cool, almost a bit too cold-hearted at times, charming, beautiful. He was irresistible and he knew it. So this was what it was like to be Natsume. Well… Natsume before Mikan.

'Sakura… That's right. None of these tramps can replace her. Just once. Just one kiss from her and maybe I can finally let it go. Just one moment of just her and me and maybe then I can move on…'

"Ruka-kun~! If you could take your seat please~! Or would you rather stay up here in front of class all day. I wouldn't mind if it's you~!" Narumi winked at him and smiled.

Ruka flushed a little and headed towards his usual seat next to Natsume and Mikan. Hiding his eyes behind his bangs, he ignored Sakura's frustrated glare and Natsume's passive glance. His imagination had gone to town, images of "moments" with Mikan Sakura were swimming in his head. He couldn't get his mind off her. Seven years of this.

'Just once…'

Ruka shot a small glance at Mikan cuddled up next to Natsume. Natsume with his face under a manga. Mikan's hand on top of Natsume's hand. Natsume's hand resting on her thigh… _On her THIGH_! His mind blanked and began renewed.

'Just once…'

Mikan's face tinted red and a small smile on her face. Natsume's face hidden, but a small smirk on his lips. Ruka was drowning in images. His vision

was turning hazy red. Mikan breathing slightly faster, that smirk on his face growing bigger, changing into something disturbing, Natsume's face

contorting into a mask of agony, Ruka squeezing tighter, Mikan's soft lips against his whispering his name, Natsume losing consciousness, the beast

within screaming in triumph at his last breath, Ruka…_Mikan_…**Natsume**…

Ruka… _Ruka_…**Ruka**!

"RUKA-PYON~!"

He fell out of his seat, gasping, eyes wide open staring into a pair of worried chocolate eyes, "Ruka-pyon~ Daijobu? You're flushed red and breathing hard and wouldn't answer me when I was calling you."

Sakura was kneeling in front of Ruka, concern stamped across her face, "Ano, ne, Ruka-pyon~ Maybe you should go to the infirmary?"

"Ruka.." Natsume reached down a hand to him. Ruka stood up slowly, refusing his help. His emotions were still rampant, the rage barely concealed, and the other emotion… Well… He needed to get out of there. To get away.

"Gomen nasai, minna-san, demo, I'm not feeling too well." Ruka walked quickly out of the classroom, ignoring the whispers and stares of everyone.

"Ruka-pyon~!"

His canter hesitated for the briefest of seconds before rushing through the door. 'Hai...Mikan.'

There was something wrong. He needed to get a grip.

'**_Just __once_**…'

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oooOOOooo

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Author's Note: Hmm… So he finally snapped. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I mean seven years of torturing yourself does this to you. Ruka, you masochistic bastard. Well I wonder what will happen now. Rating changed to M for Mature. This isn't going to be a candy land version of angst ladies and gentlemen. And there WILL be lemon and lime in future chapters. You have been warned.

Note: Daijobu- Are you ok?, Gomen nasai- I'm sorry, minna-san- everyone, demo- but


	3. This Ain't a Scene

Keeping Up Appearances

**Disclaimer**: Gakuen Alice (Alice Academy) does not belong to me.

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Previously in Keeping Up Appearances-

_His emotions were still rampant, the rage barely concealed, and the other emotion… Well… He needed to get out of there. To get away._

"_Ruka-pyon~!"_

_His canter hesitated for the briefest of seconds before rushing through the door. 'Hai...Mikan.'_

_There was something wrong. He needed to get a grip._

'_**Just once**__…'_

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"Ruka-pyon~…" I wanted to chase after him. Even after he had gone, I stared at the spot he had been just a few minutes ago. What's wrong with him? There was a brief touch on my arm. It was Natsume and as he looked at me, I knew that he too was worried for Ruka. The class was finally settling down and Narumi-sensei seemed to have a carefree attitude of what just happened.

Ruka-pyon~… Are you ok? What's happened to you… All these years. You've changed so much. …Ru…ka…

I glanced at the empty chair next to Natsume and tried to remember where it all went wrong. After the incident with the elementary principal, I thought that he was ok. He still smiled and was kind; he opened up to everyone. So popular. I twitched slightly at the thought of the many many girls that has come and go. I'll admit that I was a little jealous. They were always around him as we all grew older and it seemed as if he didn't have time for us anymore. Or rather, he didn't have time for _me_ anymore.

For some reason it feels as though Ruka-pyon~ is avoiding Natsume and I. Not physically though. It's still the same as before, the three of us together. But somehow, it feels different. Ruka and Natsume don't seem as close as they were before. In fact, it seems to be getting more tense between them as the years go by. Why Ruka? We used to be so close. And now… Even now it feels like you're faking. I remembering seeing you surrounded by those girls. You looked so…cold. You had glanced at me at that time and gave me a small smile. It was beautiful… Waaah~! What am I thinking?! I can't stop blushing. Ruka-pyon~ you're so bad for the heart.

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

Argh… "Baka… What are you doing spacing out?" said another cold person. I looked up at her crying, "Hotaruuuu~ Whyyy~!?"

"Because you were just spacing out like that. Class is over. Don't you have somewhere you should be?"

"Eh?" I gawked up at her for a second. Ruka-pyon~…

"Oi, Polka. Find him for me will you? I have to go do something." Natsume rested his hand on top of my head and sauntered out of the room. Hotaru also made her way out, "I have several commissions to finish up. I'll see you later at dinner. And Mikan,"

She paused for a moment and looked behind at me with a glint in her eyes, "Don't do anything you'll regret."

I stood up and gaped at her disappearing back, "Hotaru?" Why would she say something like that? I shook my head. That wasn't important right now. I need to go find Ruka-pyon~. I have to make sure he's ok. When I called out to him when he was leaving, he had stopped for just a second. I know that he heard me. I have to find him. Maybe he'll talk to me the way that he used to when we were kids. Ruka-pyon~? Where are you? Why are you hiding from me? I had checked everywhere: his room, the cafeteria, the middle school barn, the entire academy. Ruka-pyon~… Too tired… Leaning back against the tree, trying to catch my breath, I realized where I was. This Sakura tree kept so many memories. My first kiss with Natsume was here. Natsume.

I wonder where he went. Maybe I should go look for him? As I start to walk away, a small rustling sound came from behind me. I slowly make my way back and around, "Is someone there?" I glance down and saw pale blonde hair and a body stretched out, leaning against the tree, "Ruka-pyon~?!"

He was sleeping! I kneeled down by his side and watched him. Besides the small frown on his face, he looks so peaceful. For once, in a very long time, I feel like I'm seeing the real Ruka again. I can feel my face heating up again. And why is my heart suddenly beating faster? Staring at him like this. Those blue grey eyes, and that gentle smile. I want to see them again. Little by little, I reach my hand out to his face. So soft… I brush my hand against his cheek for moment. He really does look like an angel.

"M..Mi-kan…" My eyes widened. Did Ruka-pyon just mutter my name? And why? Is he awake? Does he know I'm here? I hastily withdraw my hand but his arm suddenly shot up and grabbed it. I suddenly find myself drowning in those blue grey eyes,

"Ru-Ruka-pyon~! You're awake!"

He doesn't say anything, just continues to gaze at me with those misty eyes. His face is getting too close to mine. I shut my eyes tight, I know that my face is redder than a tomato, "R-Ruka-.." Gentle lips touch mine.

_Oh…my…god…_

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Author's Note: Oh wow. That sucks. Yes, this chapter IS in Mikan's point of view. I found it necessary for the reader to know more about Ruka's current character, and I felt that the best approach was to use Mikan. I found that her point of view is more

revealing and honest than if it were Natsume or Hotaru or anyone else. It does seem like it's rambling and awkward but once again, this IS in Mikan's mind. Oh yes. Almost forgot. Sorry for the cliff hanger and the shortness of the chapter. I unfortunately

had this laying around for awhile, but couldn't add more to it due to certain circumstances - .... so yes *throws herself to the ground* I'm sorry!


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